BEST PAL'S HUBBY HAS GONE OFF ME

I HAD sex with my best friend’s husband while she was in hospital because he was lonely. Now she’s back home he’s dumped me and I feel so used.

I’ve been friends with them since I moved to this estate, and they were great to me when my marriage broke up. Then the wife became pregnant and developed complications which meant she was in hospital for three months.

He found it difficult to look after himself so I started cooking him supper. I also tried to reassure him as he was so worried, and we became close.

One night he brought round a bottle of wine and we had a few drinks. He put his arm round me and gave me a hug, and said he didn’t know what he would have done without me. It gave me such a warm glow inside that I kissed him.

It was as though I’d turned on a light. He grabbed me and kept on kissing me, then said he hadn’t had sex for so long and he’d always fancied me, so what about it? I thought, why not?

He started calling round every night after that, for supper and sex. I enjoyed it. He wasn’t a great lover, but he did give me oral sex which my husband never would.

It felt good to be wanted by a man again. I hadn’t even been out with anyone since my husband left nearly a year ago.

Then his wife had their baby and he spent a lot more time at the hospital. Days went by without me seeing him. Last week he called round with a bunch of flowers and said his wife was due out of hospital the next day and thanked me for everything. I asked if he would be coming round again and he looked at me as though I was mad and said of course not.

I felt so used. He wanted me badly enough when she wasn’t around and now she was back he’d thrown me out like so much rubbish.

The wife called in with the baby to thank me for looking after him. If only she knew. When I see him it’s as though nothing happened.

I’m finding it difficult to handle. Would it be better to cut them out of my life?

Jane says...

NO. They are your neighbours and you cannot avoid seeing them, so tough it out. Act as though nothing has changed.

But what did you think was going to happen once his wife was back home?

You entered into a sexual relationship willingly enough, knowing that it could only ever be a stopgap. He was lonely and vulnerable and you made it plain that you were available, knowing that his wife was ill in hospital.

Who was using who? Neither of you come out of this very well.

SCARED SHE’LL NICK HIM

THREE years ago my so-called best friend told me she and my partner had been having an affair for the past year. I was absolutely devastated, particularly as she went on to say that they were in love and intended living together.

Then she proceeded to tell me in great detail everything they’d got up to in bed. I felt so betrayed but I didn’t want to lose him, and after a lot of talking he decided to finish with her and stay with me.

It has taken a lot of work and there have been bad times, but we have managed to overcome them and are now closer than ever.

My friend moved away after he dumped her but I have since heard that she is moving back to the area, and all my old insecurities have come back. She was so horrible when I last saw her. I am also worried that if my partner meets up with her his feelings for her will return.

Jane says...

HE had his chance to be with her and he chose you, so whatever feelings he might have had for her weren’t as strong as those he felt for you. You need to talk about and share your fears with your partner so he can give you the reassurance you need.

You will then both be able to present a united front against this woman if she tries to stir up the past. She will soon see that she has no chance of breaking you up again.

AWAY GAME’S A LOSER

EVEN though I am happily married I have had more than a dozen one-night stands. I have to go on regular trips to Europe for work and I usually end up picking up a woman.

I always practise safe sex, I am careful about hotel and dinner receipts, and I never give these women my email address or my phone number.

It spices up my sex life with my wife, as I learn new tricks from the women I go with.

But recently my wife has started to ask me questions about what I do when I’m away, and she has phoned me a couple of times on some pretext. There is no reason why she should be, but do you think she is suspicious?

Jane says...

YES. No matter how clever you think you’ve been at covering your tracks, you’ve overlooked one thing—instinct. She might also wonder why you come back from these trips wanting to experiment. You’re bound to be caught out sooner or later and then you stand to lose your wife. Look on this as a warning and stop before that happens.